Hold My Heart

Oh how I love this song!! There are so many songs recently that I have found speak to me in different ways. I listen to lyrics way more than I used to. And if you come here very often you know that I frequently change the first song that plays when you open up my blog (the playlist is at the very bottom of the page if you didn't know it was there...). For right now, it's this song:

Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging you to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

Chorus:
One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm don asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, beggin' You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

(chorus)

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call me name
To hear You call my name

(chorus)

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

A Day To Remember

Three years ago today I married my best friend. This has been quite the year for us, and I would definitely say it has been the most difficult so far. I've always heard people say the first year is the hardest. Nope, that was pretty easy for us. The second year went by pretty easily too. This past year, though, has been filled with little trials the have tested our faith and drawn us closer together. We're learning how to live together now that I'm done with school and actually at home (lol), we're learning how best to communicate with each other, and we're learning to trust God with our lives and our futures. Of course the biggest struggle we've had this past year has been with the loss of two babies and dealing with all that comes along with that, spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally...it's quite complex and we both are dealing with it differently. We have definitely grown closer together through everything, and though this year has been challenging in a few ways, it has also been filled with blessings. I am so so thankful for Scott and I am honored and blessed to be his wife. I can't wait to see what the year to come has for us!

First "date": Feb 21st, 2004

Wedding Day: Oct 21st, 2006October 12th, 2009

~Abigail~

I still feel like I'm floating!

We just got home from our 7 night Mexican Riviera cruise last night, and I still feel like we're on the ship...floating on the water! I can't walk without feeling it and I definitely feel it laying in bed, lol! And no, I've had nothing to drink since we got back. ;-) Speaking of drinking...we've learned it only takes 1 margarita for me to get a little loopy, lol! Either that or the margarita's they serve on board are super strong. In the future I think I'll stick with Pina Colada's...they're not as strong (and don't make me tipsy!) and super yummy--my all-time favorite so far. :-)

Anywho, we had a fabulous vacation with our friends and I will definitely be blogging about it eventually. Pictures will most likely be only on Facebook...maybe I'll post a few here but it's not nearly as easy as facebook.

So this post is pretty much worthless, I just wanted to say HI, we're back, we had an awesome time--TOTALLY needed that vacation, and I will post soon!! :-)

~Abigail~

Counting My Blessings

Remember that old hymn, "Count Your Blessings"? For some reason it randomly popped into my head this morning, and I decided to dedicate a post to all the wonderful things happening in my life right now. Actually, I'm just going to focus on my job for right now. I am SO so blessed to have such a wonderful job, and I am amazed and thank God for the wonderful timing of everything and how it all fell into place for me.

Let me start at the beginning. In the summer of 2005 I took a 3 week course and got my CNA license (certified nursing assistant). I then worked for Banner Desert for 1 year as a CNA which provided me with the "1 year mandatory experience" necessary to get the CNA job at Mercy Gilbert in August of 2006. Mercy was a new hospital, just opening in June of '06, so I was one of the first CNA's on the Postpartum unit. I went from night shift at Desert to day shift at Mercy with a pay RAISE. That's how bad Banner pays their employees. Anyway, it was such a blessing to switch to day shift 2 months before our wedding so I could be on the same schedule as Scott. Then a year later during my first semester of nursing school I applied for and received the CHW nursing scholarship--which paid for ALL of my tuition for my 2 years of nursing school and ALL of my books AND I got paid for 40 hours each week but I only actually physically worked 20 hours--that was part of he scholarsip--in essence they were paying me 20hrs per week to study. And thank God I got that, because working 36 hours a week after my first semester in nursing school would have been near impossible (my head hurts just thinking about what that would have been like!). Half way through nursing school I found out that Banner had fired all their CNA's in Labor and Delivery (where I had been working) and gotten rid of the LPN (Licensed Practical Nurse) recovery positions. This had been my plan while working at Banner (before the job at Mercy came up). I was going to work as a CNA until half way through nursing school, then get my LPN license and work as a recovery nurse in L&D for the last year of nursing school until I had my RN license. Well, had I still been at Banner, that wouldn't have happened...they got rid of that position entirely just at the time when I would have been qualified to take it...I would have been jobless! Then in December '08 I started externing at Mercy, which was a pay increase as well as an incredible learning experience. So then I had the externship on top of the scholarship. New graduate nursing positions are few and far between in this economy. I have class mates who graduated with me who are still looking for jobs. If you don't have any sort of medical background or an externship, it is very VERY difficult to find a new-grad position right now. But I was "grand-fathered" into an RN position on my unit. I was fortunate enough that they had a position available for me when I graduated. I would have had a guaranteed job somewhere in my hospital due to the scholarship (I owe them 3 years of full time service), but I was NOT guaranteed a job in Postpartum. I only got it because it was available at the right time.

I'm working night shift, which is an extra $5/hour. That is pretty much all savings for us right now. SO worth it. And I love night shift. I love the people, I love the "flow" on nights, I love the work. The opportunity came up to possibly switch to days the past couple weeks, and I didn't want to...not even a little bit. I really am loving nights.

The economy is bad, but I still get a raise this year. My annual review was this past week (due in Aug, but the DO give retro pay so that's awesome!), and I wasn't expecting a raise because I just switched positions and had a big pay increase, but I still got my annual raise...almost $1/hr!! So I'm a new-grad, and already making more than new-grad wages!

I also got a bonus this week. Everyone on my unit got a bonus. It wasn't huge...$200 ($80 went to taxes!!!!!!)...but in this economy, who gets bonuses??? I was not expecting it at all...

Scott's car broke down last week and we spent almost $600 to fix it. We put it on the credit card because our cruise is next week and we want some "fun" money left in our checking account for the cruise. So guess what happened this week? I was asked if I wanted to work an extra shift on Tuesday. I jumped at the chance. You know how much I make in one extra shift (extra shifts are double pay)? Just enough to cover the car repair. Thank you Lord for providing for us right when we needed it!! Then I was asked if I wanted to work extra Saturday night as well (last night)...of course I did!! Two extra shifts in one week? Awesome! Not only did He provide for us, he provided extra and now our vacation will not be as tight financially...we can pay all our bills for the month before vacation and still have money to have fun.

And to top it off, the hospital will pay for my student loan from before nursing school. The loan is from all the nursing prerequisites and other classes I took in my first 3 years of college. I just have to get all my paperwork together and actually submit the application. But they will pay just over $5,000 a year towards my student loan, so it should be paid off in less than 3 years.

I could not have asked for a better job. And it was all orchestrated from the beginning. The whole way through, everything I needed both schedule related, hours related, pay related, school related...whatever it was, it was there and God provided at just the right time. And He still is providing.

This has been my dream job since I was 7 years old and told I couldn't go see the babies in the nursery because I wasn't 12 years old. Well, for my 12th birthday guess what I did? Yep, I went to Banner Desert and looked at the babies through the nursery window. The nurse in the nursery even gave me one of the new parent diaper bag kits...which was SO awesome! I looked through that Parent magazine so many times and kept that diaper bag for the longest time. I have never changed what I wanted to do "when I grew up" since that point when I was 7 years old. I was going to be a "baby nurse", and nothing was going to stop me!

Working in postpartum is a bitter-sweet job for me right now, for obvious reasons. I am approaching what would have been my first due date (October 12th) and have started seeing and taking care of moms and babies with that due date and close to it, and it's sometimes hard not to imagine that we should be having a baby any day now too. I don't mean "should" in a should-have-been-way, because obviously it was never meant to be that way, God had other plans. But anyway. I am glad I will be on vacation over the week of October 12th.

Even though it is emotionally difficult right now, I do have my dream job...and I love it. I could not be more blessed, and I thank God daily for everything He has so graciously provided along the way.

I am counting my blessings, and I am so so thankful for each and every one of them. :-)

~Abigail~

What Faith Can Do

I heard a new song on the radio in my car today. I listen to Klove all the time, but I had never heard this song before. It is new this year, but old enough to be on youtube already. I almost started crying as I listened to the lyrics...it confirmed everything I have been feeling, thinking, and praying lately. It gave me chills (in a good way). This may be my new favorite song of the week (lol).

What Faith Can Do, by Kutless
(link to Youtube)

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

*Happy sigh* I love that chorus. I just need to keep hoping, praying, trusting, believing. He has provided so much for us. We are truly blessed. His grace and mercy are so evident in our lives right now. Thank you Father for everything you have given us, and thank you for the strenth and peace you have provided in the past couple months!

Eager to grow in faith and see What Faith Can Do,
~Abigail~