A Symbol of Hope

As you can see, I've changed the design of my blog. I decided it was time for a change...time for something that wasn't just "pretty" because I like pink and I like babies...time for something that has meaning to my life at this point in time. Immediately I thought of the Lily. Easter lilies have always brought thoughts of hope and new life to my mind because at easter time we are celebrating the new hope and life we have in Jesus because he died for us and rose again. But that hope is not just felt during easter season, we have an eternal hope in Christ that is with us no matter what life throws our way. Right now it may seem impossible for me to have hope. Ask my husband, I did not feel very hopeful the day after or even the week after our latest miscarriage. It has only come with time, and I know it will continue to grow with time. But as I've begun to find healing these feelings of hope are returning, and I wanted to portray that somehow here.

I have hope that we will be pregnant again.
I have hope that someday these trials we are facing will not hurt so much.
I have hope that in all of this there will be blessings along the way.
I have hope that perhaps my story will help someone else.
I have hope that one day we will hold our own baby in our arms and this will all seem like nothing compared to that joy.

This doesn't mean I walk around every moment of the day feeling oh-so hopeful. No. In fact sometimes I am the complete opposite of hopeful. Everything feels downright impossible and hopeLESS, like I'm stuck in the neverending black background which represents suffering and grief. It takes a conscious decision to find the positives in my life at this moment and to move forward with the knowledge we've been given in these trials and have faith that God knows what He's doing, He has never left our side, and we will be okay. We must let hope shine through and conquer the darkness.

I also changed the picture at the top. I love babies (in case you haven't heard, lol!) and so I knew I wanted to keep a baby picture at the top...and I love Anne Geddes work so I was 99% sure I was going to stick with one of her photos. When I found this one, it not only fit perfectly with the portion of Psalm 139 that I have printed at the top but it also had another very special meaning. I imagine those hands being the hands of God. This picture has a few meanings to me: We are safe in his hands, our precious little angels are safe in His hands, He is in control of everything...I could probably think of a few more. I also added to the portion of Psalm 139. Originally I only had "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." But I thought it was appropriate to add the next verse: "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." This reminds me that not only does He know exactly what my life holds for me tomorrow, next week, next year etc...but He also knew that the two little lives we were blessed to enjoy for a short while this year were only going to last a short while...it was all part of His plan. That doesn't make it hurt any less, but it is comforting to know.

So the lilies represent hope, the blackness represents suffering and the photo represents God's omnipresence in our lives. I will leave you with a verse that fits perfectly with the changes I've made to my blog:

Romans 5:1-5
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not unly so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us."

~Abigail~